


Outrecuidance

by VitriolicHarli



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, BDSM, M/M, Multi, Origin Story, Romance, Yaoi, eruri - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-23
Updated: 2014-04-18
Packaged: 2018-01-05 18:03:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 17,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1096903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VitriolicHarli/pseuds/VitriolicHarli
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Someone always has to pay for the choices you make." Every brick of intentional good has its point of origination and inadvertently leads to our own personal hells. It becomes no longer about your righteousness, but whose path you cross in your audacity to continue to lay each brick and disregard the way of the world, and how far into your hell can they be brought before they turn on you. Only a matter of time before all you have is your self and your good intent.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Halcyon Falling

**Author's Note:**

> This was an origin story that had been stewing in my mind a long time but never began because of fear of mischaracterization. Levi and Erwin are complicated characters to write and still remain true to life. Thanks to two of my fellow logophiles I was challenged to write this. I want to be as accurate in my depictions of humanity, BDSM, Powerplay, human condition, and the intensity and trust that can only exist between two people like Levi and Erwin Smith. I hope you enjoy this and that you stick around for everything until the end!

The decorative iron framing of the headboard was bending with subtle whines in the silence, its colorless shape warping under the candle light of the room. This would be the third one in a month should it become unsalvageable. It was often chalked up as a necessary expense considering that when he was like this, it was easy to forget how strong he was and could become under overstimulation. It had taken so many different sizes and types – trial and error to an almost annoying extreme that was amusing to Levi, but not Erwin. It had been a hell of a fight to put Levi where he was now, unwittingly testing the limits of the tightly woven rope that dug into his flesh just so. Lithe muscles flowing beneath sun-kissed and leather burned planes of skin that rolled with licentious undulations made Erwin’s mouth dry as he drew his gloved hands over flesh sides. He was secure in the knowledge that he would not be stopped. He was not so pretentious as to believe it was because of what he wanted. No, Levi was beneath him and not tearing from his place because he wanted this. He wanted to please and thus he lay bound. Bound but never ever helpless.

Tonight’s game was specifically for Levi, a study in his comfort, his trust of Erwin’s perceptiveness – his awareness. In spite of Levi’s body being bare to all five of his senses, Erwin had not removed a single bit of his clothing. There would be no skin contact; not yet. Levi had to earn it…and so did Erwin.

He made an exploratory path down goose-pimpled skin, feeling a genuine pride at how Levi’s body lifted to meet his hands at every caress. It had taken years to finely tune Levi’s raw responses to his touches alone and he indulged selfishly in it always. Nowadays, it was the slide of his calloused hands and rake of teeth rather than the bite of studded tails and painful pull of hair that brought Levi to his knees. The latter only being used when Levi absolutely needed (wanted) it. Right now, as Levi unknowingly worked the iron of their headboard into uselessness, Erwin had slipped deeply. He was fully within the perfect state of mind that the man lying before him _needed_ him to be. This man who allowed him to bind him, blind him, mute and deafen him; this man who willingly arched into the unfeeling leather of his gloves and curled his hands into frustrated claws along the rope; who would walk straight into death and the hell that followed if he so ordered it was in every sense master over Erwin. Levi was humanity’s strongest because Erwin willed him to be. Now in the hush of their shared bedroom Erwin willed him to be weak for him and in more ways than one Levi was. It was that willingness that had tamed Erwin.

“Mmf!” an irritated growl permeated the silence, loudly unchecked because of Levi’s inability to hear his own voice. It stilled Erwin’s hands having become accustom to that particular wave of sound. He felt Levi’s body tense uncomfortably beneath his touch and he removed them immediately from Levi’s person. Erwin gauged the sudden stillness in Levi’s tense form and brushed his fingertips up Levi’s neck to the gag wedged in Levi’s mouth. Levi turned his head away from his hand in denial and stayed there, exposing the plugs blocking sound from him. Erwin chuckled and carefully pulled the plugs from his ear, caressing them apologetically. Levi turned his cheek into Erwin’s hand to give him room to reach the other. He did so and watched the tension in Levi’s body slowly dissipate, the smaller man nuzzling his cheek against Erwin’s hand in gratitude. Erwin was satisfied that he’d caught on quickly but was a bit concerned until a deep breath escaped Levi’s nose that took away all the apprehension. Erwin let a released a quiet sigh as well and caressed Levi’s ears gently.

“You did well,” Erwin said, his voice deepened by the mood and his satisfaction with Levi. “You lasted longer this time and you didn’t panic. I’m proud of you, _Levi.”_ He caressed his name with his tongue. Levi’s head turned in the direction of his voice and a barely visible shudder flowed down his spine. Erwin leaned down to press a kiss to Levi’s brow, giving him a small amount of contact, Levi’s nose brushing the underside of his jaw. Levi’s body rose to meet his for more contact, but Erwin’s firm hand on his chest kept him at bay.

“Not. Yet.”

Levi’s body arched in protest only once and relaxed back on the bed. Erwin caressed his jaw and neck in appreciation. There would be no disobedience, no misunderstanding. Carefully built trust, carefully built affection that had been held to such intensity that it made them both weak and strong for each other. Because all pretenses had been dropped and all that was left was the two of them.

 

 

 

Erwin’s gloved fingers traced the outline of Levi’s lips around the gag. “Now, just breathe.”

* * *

 

**~Outrecuidance~**

(Isolence)

* * *

 

_I don’t think I’ve ever told you this story before. Nothing about my past…and for good reason…_

_To be fair you’ve only told me so much about yours. So, tonight I’ll tell you right up to the time I joined the military…then the gag comes off. Fair?_

_All right, but don’t fall asleep on me…you tend to be rude like that._

_My father was a politician and scholar. Highly intelligent, stout hearted, and kind in a way that someone of his station should not have been. He was eloquent, charismatic, and often could garner the support of anyone in his district by simple inquiry. He always said that winning my mother had been the greatest challenge he’d ever faced and the rewards of her friendship were worth all of the turmoil she’d caused. I was described to him as a dot on his reputation by his peers because of my being his bastard, but he never cared. He wanted the best for me…_

_In contrast, my mother was a soldier and strategist born of a long line of officers. She was a survivalist and held a high pride in not being a native of Sina. She and my father never married because they could not see eye to eye as a domestic couple. Should my mother marry she would not be given the same rights as married male soldiers. She would be forced to retire from field world and either go into office work or be domesticated. She would always say that my father wasn’t worth her pride, even if he was still worth her love. She said she couldn’t stand looking at me sometimes. My eyes irritated her because I would give her the same look as my father. I think it was my only advantage over her because she would always soften when I gave her that look…_

_I loved them and they loved me…I only wish I knew who they were from the start. Maybe then my first trip to Old Sina wouldn’t have happened and wouldn’t have started the ripple that destroyed them…_

 

Chapter One:

**Halcyon Falling**

 

The hardened eyes of Olivia Smith focused on her son’s identical ones, locked in a standoff that they both knew he would lose but he would go down fighting. Towering above him at an impressive 182cm, Olivia was a daunting figure clad in the garrison uniform as she stared him down with disappointment. Her sharp features were framed by a sweep of golden hair pulled back into a low ponytail and brushed her lower back. A few strands were loose in her face and every now and then she would sweep them back. She stared down her aristocratic nose at him, her eyes flickering to each of his injuries.

They’d been here before.

Three times this week alone Olivia had been called from her duties to corral Erwin’s behavior. Erwin had no trouble getting on his peers and tutor’s bad sides and had even less trouble keeping eye contact with his titan of a mother even with the damage to his face. His swollen eye and lip twitched every now and then from the dull hum of pain. He wasn’t going to do it. He wasn’t going to back down from her; he would fight her. He would fight her because he knew he was right and that was all that mattered. That was all that _should_ matter to her.

Olivia narrowed her eyes at the resolve her son was showing today and wished that the circumstance would allow for a smile. She would’ve but they were not alone. The school’s headmaster and Erwin’s linguistics teacher stood behind her with expectant scowls. They didn’t care what the story was; they just wanted to know that Lieutenant had a true grip on her son. They wanted to see Erwin disciplined and to see if she was too soft to do it. Olivia crossed her arms and pressed her lips in a thin line, hardening her expression as she pursed her lips to speak.

“Sit down, Erwin.”

Erwin compliantly sat himself in one of the chairs of the Headmaster’s Office, but glared up at her in insolence, knowing he was about to get an earful and was ready to defend everything he’d done today. He didn’t care that the Headmaster or his teacher was there. They had sat back and watched many times until Erwin fought back and only then would they step in.

“Erwin, you do understand exactly what your father and I are trying to do for you? What we’re trying to accomplish.”

Erwin nodded silently.

“You understand how much it costs your father to put you through this overrated piece of shit school, correct?”

Erwin almost grinned at the affronted gazes of his elders, but nodded anyway.

“You also understand just how fucking embarrassing it is for him and how annoying it is for me to have to be told by our peers that you couldn’t keep your goddamn hands to yourself!”

Erwin flinched at the tone she took, but he kept his head up and looked her in the eye. “I was right, mother.” It hurt to talk with the bust open lip but he wasn’t going to stop. “I know I was right. They attacked me because I’m smarter than them so they couldn’t think of anything else to do.” He straightened his back with conviction when they shook their head at his supposed ‘insolence.’ “I wasn’t going to let them talk about us – about _you_ that way just because they’re inner wall trash. They call you a whore right to my face and the adults call you one behind my back even though I can still hear them! I’m not supposed to do something about-”

“Enough!”

Erwin fell silent immediately, his chest rising and falling in angry huffs through his blood crusted nose.

“This is not the boy I pushed out of my loins and sure as hell not the man I’m going to let you become!” Her disappointment was clear in her voice, genuine and it made Erwin avert his eyes. “You giving in to them, giving them what they want the minute you raise your fist and bowing down to someone else’s arrogance is _not_ who I’m raising you to be!”

Erwin grit his teeth and dared to raise his voice to her. “I’m not going to let them just do what they want! I’m stronger than them and I’m right! That’s all that matters!”

“That makes you no better than the other privilege swine you’re trying to prove your point to and it makes you even _less_ to me!”

Any defiance he’d had drained from him at that sentence and he slumped in his chair like a scolded child should’ve. The headmaster was more than happy to pipe in with his own piece of humiliation for Erwin.

“They are just boys, Erwin,” he said dismissively. “They don’t mean any harm. Children are cruel and we’ve taught day in and day out that violence is not how you respond to such-”

“If I needed help disciplining my son I would get his father,” Olivia snapped, silencing the elderly man.

“It would’ve been better if you’d brought Antonin with you. A woman doesn’t know how to discipline a boy!” the teacher sneered at her.

“Well too damn bad! You called for his parent and you got me!” Olivia all but snarled. “Erwin get up.”

Erwin didn’t argue. He gathered himself up and followed his mother’s sharp steps out of the room. He ignored the scowls of his teacher and headmaster.

“We haven’t talked about the consequences of his actions, Ma’am.”

“I don’t like repeating myself.”

Erwin supposed the good that came out of this was that he didn’t have to return to lessons. Though with how often this had been occurring and how angry his mother seemed to be, he wasn’t sure how positive this was. He glanced at his mother as he struggled to keep up with her forceful strides.

“Mother?”

“What?” she said her tone clipped as she retrieved their coats from the help. She passed his to him. “Close it up, it’s cold.”

Erwin slipped on his. “This really isn’t fair.”

“I will tell you when life becomes fair,” she replied stepping out into the light snow. “What I want to know is why you can’t control yourself.”

“It’s what they say about us – about you! All those things that the adults say knowing that that’s not who we are! You’re not a whore and father’s not weak!” Erwin’s face reddened, that uncontrollable urge to break something, to beat something into submission for all of the frustration he felt about this bubbled up inside. “Every day, it’s the same thing and no one tries to do anything about it. It’s all because they can’t handle someone who thinks differently!”

Olivia’s brows furrowed. “Differently?” Her voice became calm. “Erwin, what happened in there?”

Erwin lowered his eyes to the ground with a shrug. “We were talking about the titans in history class and about the Survey Corps –

“I have an idea of where this is going.”

“- and we were talking about how the Titans are undefeatable. That the safest place was behind the walls and there’s nothing outside worth searching for. But there’s so much out there. It’s in the books in father’s study and Uncle Leonardo –

“Goddammit Leo.”

“- always tells me that there’s so much space out there, the land goes on and on. How can you say there’s nothing out there when we have a whole history of our war against the titans? Books and records of how hard we fought against them and lost ground. How can you say that out there there’s nothing when that’s where we come from, mom!”

Olivia shook her head. “That sort of talk isn’t appreciated, Erwin. You’re old enough and smart enough to know that.”

“I know, mother. But I wasn’t going to lie when asked a question. He asked me if I believed all that was true, why do we stay within the walls? Why do we discourage outside travel and consider the Survey Corp wastes of time? Why everyone pays taxes to keep us safe and alive here if something ‘better’ was out there?”

“Sounds like Marcus’s wordy self. What did you say?”

Erwin hesitated a moment knowing that while he felt justified, in hindsight it had been the wrong thing to say. “Because we’re all cowards…every one of us.”

“Erwin-”

“I know. It was stupid because they just were too dumb to understand why we’re cowards. I mean if the outside world is where we come from, why would we _not_ take it back. We’re cowards. They didn’t like that but they couldn’t say anything better, so they attacked you and…” Erwin shrugged. “I hate that school. I can learn better things in dad’s library or even the library at the castle. I learned more hiding in your office than in my lessons. Why do you keep sending me there?”

Olivia shook her head. “Because you have to be more than where you come from and that’s the law of the land in this day and age.”

Erwin fell silent, wanting to argue but was too cold and too tired to bother. He was starting to feel the pain in his cheekbone and in his side where he’d been kicked.

It being the middle of the day they couldn’t go home due to Olivia’s duties, so they ended up in her office. Erwin took a seat, his head bowed in a quiet anger that had yet to ebb. Olivia shut her door and locked it.

“Let me explain something to you about the world Erwin and why you have to abide by its rules until you have the power to break them. In this world, pretension and posturing are the law. We live in times where the fighting is done over wine and extravagant dinners hosted by pompous swine draining the life out of their subordinates and subjects. A king is sitting right now in a high ivory tower so far removed from you and I that I’m certain he doesn’t even know what real life even looks like. Beneath them are people so worthless that I wouldn’t even want them licking my boot! They are the reason Leo has so many horror stories to tell you about broken equipment and shortages when they go beyond the wall.”

“I know that!” he snapped. “You always tell me that. But if I’m not supposed to fight back against stupid people than what am I supposed to do? What do I do when everybody in the world is just as dumb as the other boys in my class? You can’t just tell me what everything’s about and not tell me what to-”

“Erwin!” Her voice was quiet, soft but the order was more than clear and it silence Erwin’s outrage and forced it into submission. “You do _nothing._ Words do not have power unless you allow them to. I am so much more than what a few gutless swine and their piglets think of me and I know what I am capable of. You do also. I know and have seen what is lurking beyond the walls they cherish so much and I know what is waiting there every time my brother rides out. He and I both can tell you those little bastards have nothing to be proud of in the life they live. You will not allow yourself to be goaded by people who are cowards like you claim. You are not going to give in to people who are too afraid to even look outside their door much less dare to go beyond it.”

“I can’t just do nothing…I just can’t. I don’t know how.” Erwin whispered, his head bowed.

Olivia lifted Erwin’s chin so that his eyes met hers and felt the parental anger slip away when she saw how his eyes were glassed with frustrated tears. He shied away from her gaze not wanting to let them fall in front of her. It reminded her that even though he was twelve years old, he was still a child; a child that she was trying to force adult reasoning on. Letting him go with a weary sigh, Olivia left him for the washroom of her office and retrieved antiseptic and a bowl of water. She pulled up a chair to sit in front of him; legs open wide in an unladylike posture. She grabbed Erwin’s jaw, forcing him to look at her and quietly began to clean the abrasions on his face.

“Erwin…,” she began trying to figure out how to word her own personal philosophy for a child. “There are three types of people in the world. Sheep and cattle are the first. That’s what makes up most of the people you see in these walls. Cowed, complacent men and women who have lost the very thing that made them powerful and not simply birds in a cage. That’s the natural order of things, you understand?”

Erwin nodded as she put a bandage on his cut cheek.

“Then there are herders; people like the aristocracy and royalty who sit high above us looking down below and pissing all over them. They know that they can always willingly get what they want out of the sheep and cattle as long as they keep them safe from predators.”

“But we’re not either of those.”

“Well your father is a herder; he keeps his district’s subjects appeased and comfortable so that he may continue to enjoy the fruits of their labors. However, your father is one of the few who do not blatantly use them for that sort of thing. He simply fills the role he was born into and it does not make him less of a man for doing so. He isn’t like us.”

“What are we?”

“We’re wolves, Erwin. Gluttonous wolves that bite, scratch, and maim our way for survival and for our betterment. We bite the hand of both sheep and herder alike if it means we can advance and achieve our goals, but we also are loyal. We have a pack mentality and we tame those who come into our fold to be as vicious as we are but to never bite our hand. Our way of herding the shepherd and sheep alike is through the fear and respect of what we could do to them and the control we have over them as well as ourselves to hunt them down. That’s what I want for you, Erwin.”

“You…want me to be a wild animal that kills for no reason,” Erwin responded blandly.

“What the hell are they teaching you at that school? A wolf does not kill needlessly nor does it kill for any sport. It kills to eat and to protect. It will go into the face of danger with its pack to take down pray and things twice its size to protect its pack. That’s what you are going to be. You’re going to understand the sheep and herders alike and understand how to control them both. But to do that you have to control yourself. This anger you have, all that impulsiveness needs to be channeled somewhere else.” As Olivia spoke an idea that she wasn’t sure was going to fly had worked its way into her thoughts. “And you’re twelve now…you’re the perfect age to learn how to control yourself.”

“What?” Erwin asked having lost the conversation.

Olivia shook her head. “Stay here and be good. We’ll go home in a while.”

Erwin knew his mother had never been a tender woman. She was always bold and abrasive, so strong and Erwin loved that about her. He wanted more than anything to be like her and continued the line of Military officers in the Smith family. However, it was obvious that she wasn’t exactly like other mothers. His father’s stories of Olivia’s mishaps when he was born were pretty funny if not endearing. When he was born, she didn’t even know how to hold him properly. His father was forced to hire a nanny to aid and teach her how to rear a child because being the only girl of six brothers and raised by a militant father, her maternal instincts and feminine nature never developed. All of it had been overshadowed by training, survival, and adeptness for strategy. She was born to be a soldier. He admired her and she knew he did.

~

  Despite her often being stationed far away from Erwin and leaving him to mostly be raised by his father’s elitist family, Erwin was completely attached to her. Knowing that, Olivia sometimes had to stop herself from treating Erwin as her father had done them – to remember that he was a child, not a recruit. However, since Erwin had become old enough to read well, his father Antonin had placed him in school with other boys his age so that he could at least be properly educated and integrated into “decent” society. Erwin’s marks were outstanding, making her proud, but what forced Olivia into this stationary position in Sina was Erwin’s damnable temper. It was the only thing she wished he hadn’t inherited from her side of the family. The smallest insult towards his family, the slightest bit of stupidity on the part of another had Erwin’s fists ready to swing. Erwin seemed to have a strangely mature intolerance for stupidity and ignorance coupled with a childish reaction to it. Something needed to be done about it and Olivia felt that the “best schools” were not what it was. Erwin was a Smith in spite of his father’s contribution and calm demeanor. He was a Smith and Smiths could only be raised in one place.

“Sit right here in the hallway, Erwin, while I talk to your father.”

Erwin nodded and took a seat, scratching at the gauze on his cheek.

“Antonin!” she bellowed as she burst into his given office.

“Have you no manners, woman!” Lachlan, a noble who worked closely with Antonin, snarled.

“Fuck off; I have matter that doesn’t concern you.”

Antonin stood where he’d apparently been perusing documents with Lachlan and gave her a weary look, his prominent brow cocked.

“If this is about Erwin, I’ve already heard it from the headmaster and got an earful about your unacceptable behavior.”

“Save it. You,” she pointed at Lachlan. “Get out.”

“Antonin, have some control over this wench.”

“The lieutenant is asking for privacy, Lachlan; please respect that since it involves my son.”

Lachlan snarled, his heavy set cheeks turning red with offense but he headed to the door. “I’ve told you time and time again, this woman and that boy are going to ruin you.”

Olivia stepped to the side so that Lachlan could leave and kicked the door shut behind him, hitting him with the sturdy wood. He glared behind him and then at Erwin who stared at the floor with disinterest.

“You’d have been better off in an orphanage,” Lachlan snarled and turned his nose up, walking away.

Erwin glared behind him and slid off the seat, going to the door. He pressed his ear against it as gently as he could, flinching as the lock was put into place. He had long ago taken to eavesdropping on his parents talks and arguments as much as he could. He had an overwhelming need to understand them and why they weren’t together, a fact that bothered him from time to time. In the countless times he’d done this, he had slowly began to understand them clearly as people since they sugarcoated nothing towards each other. They became much more than just his parents when he listened to their interactions and he never grew out of the habit. Since he’d gotten older, he’d been able to glean more form them than he could when he didn’t understand certain words and phrases. So it was a pleasure to listen to them talk; he learned so much from it.

 Olivia looked at Antonin. His short brunette hair was brushed back away from his face so that his face was in full view. He had a strong jaw that Olivia actually prayed Erwin would receive once the baby fat disappeared and the most piercing and intelligent eyes for someone of such luxurious upbringing. Those eyes had made her weak and gave her Erwin.

She leaned back against the door and crossed her arms. “I want to send Erwin to basic.”

Erwin’s eyes widened for a moment, feeling a small bit of betrayal. Maybe today he had gone too far. He’d been doing this a lot, having so many fights that callouses were starting to form on his knuckles. She’d told him time and time again to stop and he hadn’t. His stomach dropped nervously as he waited for his mother’s answer. Yes, he wanted to go to the military but…he didn’t want it to be because his mother was tired of his antics – tired of him.

Antonin’s brow rose and shook his head immediately. “Out of the question.”

“Antonin.”

“Did your brother talk you into this? Is he trying to get him to join the Survey Corps so he won’t be alone in his lunacy?”

“Don’t you dare! My brother has given a lot more than your siblings have for humanity. Besides, this isn’t about Leonardo; it’s about Erwin, your son.”

“And I gave you my answer, no.”

“Have you not been paying attention? Erwin’s a step away from being kicked out of your precious school because of how he thinks and I can honestly say I have nothing to do with the shit that’s coming out of his mouth.”

“He’s a boy, he’s inquisitive.”

“He’ll be a teenager soon! He’ll be hormonal and angry, more so than he already is! We need to give him structure before he gets out of hand.”

Antonin pinched the bridge of his nose. “Then we’ll find another way. I’m not sending him into a career where the only choices are worthless drunkard or suicide.”

“My father was neither of those things and neither are any of my brothers, so watch your damn mouth.”

“Erwin needs discipline and a proper education!”

“And he can still get it after basic training. If he becomes garrison he will be allowed to do as he pleases with his time. If he becomes MP it will be even better. He could make officer and retire into politics like you. I don’t see the problem, Antonin.”

“I’m not worried about him exceling. Erwin is highly intelligent and could succeed in any field he chose military or no.”

 “Then why do you say no? You’re a man of reason, why can’t you even consider it.”

 “Olivia, please I am not having this discussion. You’re asking me to send my son to the military, to his death if…”

Olivia’s face softened and she curbed her aggression. She spoke lightly so that any passersby wouldn’t have the urge to listen. “You’ve found something. I know you have. You’ve been more upset lately, more worried about the walls. Ever since you visited Wall Maria and the outer cities, you’ve been worse off.” Olivia went to stand across from him, her hands flat on the desk palms spread in neutrality. “Talk to me, Antonin. What are you afraid of?”

Antonin’s tension eased when Olivia reigned in her usual belligerence. He rubbed his temples. “They’re only stories. Tales told around dying fires to take their minds off the cold. I know this, but some of the things they speak of – the places they describe are very real in the books I’ve collected. And if they can describe things that we only hope to study in books with accurate detail, of great bodies of water and salt and mountains so high they suffocate, then I can’t help but find some concern in their assessment of the walls.”

“What are they saying?”

“They say that…they speak of dozens of sanctuaries, walls like ours in distance places, some across dark waters on land masses that no one even knows exists.”

“Sounds like a bunch of fairy tales.”

“Yes, I would normally say so and I still believe, but I can’t shake the thoughts. They claimed that in the generations of being wiped out by the titans, each and every one of those walls was taken down. That _we_ are the last vestiges of the human race.”

“Antonin, we’ve always been alone you know that. I think you’re letting what a bunch of superstitious people, who’ve been running from titans all their lives, spook you.”

“Their elders speak of titans they’ve seen. Titans that can see over the wall, Olivia. They say they’ve witnessed a Titan breaking down the walls of these other places and chose to be nomadic. They even say it’s only a matter of time before it happens here. They say it always starts with people worshiping the titans and the walls that cage them.”

“Heh, Antonin are you trying to tell me that the Wallists are going to be the ones to get us killed? Be serious, they treasure those stacks of stone more than themselves.”

“I am being serious. Or have you forgotten the incident not too long ago? The initial breach because of Titan Worshiping Cults?”

“Shh! It’s bad enough people question your decency because of me; I don’t need them questioning your sanity either. You know that was secret and that it’s best left forgotten.”

Antonin slammed his hands on the table. “You won’t even consider the possibility that a Titan that can breach the walls exists?”

“Of course not! I’m not going to entertain the idea that a 50 meter class even exists in the first place! Not when my brothers can barely survive a 15 meter class without causalities!”

Antonin fell silent and turned his back to her.

Their hushed voices suddenly rising had frightened him and made him take a step back from the door. Erwin would’ve smiled at the high praise and faith his father had in him. But he didn’t like the tone this “talk” was taking. What was all this about new titans? Who had his father been talking to and why was mother so mad? They usually were more reserved in their arguing, controlled. It was alien to him to hear them doing this. It didn’t take a genius to realize that this was his fault. He felt his hands tremble a bit in nervousness, never liking it when his parents actually came _against_ each other – especially when it was about him. Maybe he should just go in and tell them he wanted to go back to school. That he would be more than obedient and try to control his fists and his fury. He wanted to do something to make them believe that h wouldn’t pull this crap again so that their voices would never rise like this.

“I understand that you’re a learned man. You enjoy expanding your horizons, but this is not how you should do it if it’s going to affect your decisions as father. Don’t give your ‘friends’ a reason to send the MPs to your home and find what you keep in there! That’s death for you _and_ Erwin!” she snarled. “Now please, can you explain what this has to do with our son getting some direction in his life?”

Antonin closed his eyes a moment, gathering his thoughts. “If Erwin becomes Garrison, Survey, or MP, he will still be a soldier. As a soldier, he _will_ be forced to fight against something he’s never had a reason to encounter before. He _will_ be forced to fight and die.”

Olivia shook her head and straightened her posture. She stalked up to him and grabbed his arm angrily. “Stop worrying about the future and stupid wives tales. Your son is getting into fights, your son _hates_ the school, and your son needs you to make a decision for him. He’s already twelve and needs to be set on the path he’s supposed to take and I can’t do that if you’re going to fight me as hard as Erwin does.”

Antonin jerked his arm away. “I gave you my answer, Olivia! It’s no, it will always be no!”

“You’ve always been so ridiculously paranoid!” she scoffed. “Fine, you should talk to your son! _Ask_ him what he wants. Maybe then you’ll see reason.”

“I doubt I’ll see _your_ reasoning Olivia. That seems to be our problem with each other!”

“I’m not doing this right now. Erwin is what’s important to me!”

“And you think he’s not to me-”

“More important than a bunch of silly superstitions from people who have been so ostracized that all they really have of value is their fairytales! _Enough,_ Antonin! Talk to your son and make a decision or I will do it without you.”

Antonin glared at her taller figure. “Why can’t you just respect my wishes for Erwin not to be involved with the military?”

“Why can’t you respect what our son needs?! He doesn’t want to be at that school and I can’t blame him.”

“This is not what he wants, it’s about what’s best for him and the military is not it.”

“What he _wants_ out of life _is_ what’s best for him! He’s growing up and he’ll be a man soon! Have you not been paying attention! For fuck’s sake, he’s old enough right now to die for humanity.”

“And that should not be! What worked for you should not be a valid form of child rearing. I already disagree with turning children into soldiers and watching them either run off to die outside the walls or become a cog in a corrupt system! He is _not_ going to be that man!”

“He’s neither going to be a coward either nor a slave to his parents’ whims. He’s too fucking smart Antonin! He can choose his life!”

“This from the woman who never _got_ to choose anything? Who was shipped off the moment she was twelve because her father couldn’t handle a female in the family?”

“You’re going to make me put the tip of my boot up your silver fed ass, if you don’t keep my father out of your mouth!”

“Then stop, Olivia. You are Erwin’s _mother;_ I am his _father._ You don’t get to make these decisions about his education and career, I do!”

“Neither of us should! It’s Erwin’s freedom to be what he wishes to be. The only thing that _you_ are supposed be doing is helping him become a good man!”

“And you want to deny me that right by shipping him off as far away from my reach as possible?!”

Olivia was about to retort when Erwin creaked open the door, tired of hearing the shouting match. It had gotten too out of hand and it was hurting somewhere deep to hear them truly attacking each other. They were good parents, both of them. They shouldn’t have been blaming each other for his flaws, his inability to handle himself. He looked between them as he came in closing the door, expression humble though he appeared to be two steps away from bolting from the door. He gulped hard knowing his mother wouldn’t let it go that he was listening to them or that he chose to interrupt adult conversation, but this needed to stop.  

Antonin regarded his son’s bandaged face with concern.

“Father,” he said slowly, trying to keep his voice stable with the sick guilt inside. “I don’t want to go to school anymore.”

“You’re twelve, Erwin. You don’t know what you want or what’s good for you,” Antonin said gently. “You have to trust me that school is what’s best for you.”

“I don’t want to. I learn more at home anyway, let me study with you. I don’t have to go the military if you really don’t want that but, I can’t stay at school. Maybe I can get a tutor. I can learn on my own.”

“Erwin, the military is not a bad place.”

“I know mother, but if it’s making you fight over me – making you hurt each other then it’s not a good place either. Just let me learn at home for a while. I promise I won’t get into trouble again and I promise I won’t get into any more fights. If I do you can send back to that school. I won’t make a fuss, ok?”

Olivia’s stern gaze fell on Erwin as she felt a small spark of pride at how he’d come to compromise. Antonin had been just as surprised at the maturity Erwin showed. He felt some shame that Erwin could compromise with their wants better than they could together.

Antonin and Olivia shared a look to which Olivia crossed her arms and turned away in a small manner of privacy. Antonin knelt down so that he and Erwin were eye level.

“Erwin…do you want to be like your mother? Do you _want_ to go to the military?”

“I don’t know,” Erwin shrugged. It was a lie. He wanted that more than anything, but he didn’t want to disappoint his father. He didn’t want to give him a reason to stop having faith in him. “But it’s better than that place isn’t it? I don’t have to hear them talking about you or mother and about how I shouldn’t have been born. It’s got to be better and mother says I could make lots of friends who think like me right? Or it at least won’t punch me for what I think.”

Antonin flicked his eyes to Olivia’s back, his eyes tracing the Garrison Roses on her blazer. “Erwin, if you _want_ to go, I suppose you can have my blessing on one condition.”

Erwin’s eyes lit up and Olivia looked over her shoulder at the two of them, surprise on her face at Antonin’s acquiescence.

“What is it? Anything you want, father,” Erwin offered happily.

“I want you to work hard, be the best. You’re a Smith, but you’re also Vinstin. You have to be smart, clever, and prideful. I want you to be in the top ten and join the Military Police. There’s no greater honor-”

Olivia snorted.

“- than being in service to the King and his family. Become an MP and it will make me more than proud of you. You will earn my respect, understand?”

Erwin blinked as he thought of what he’d seen of the Military Police. They were always honored by the citizens and looked highly upon, especially the officers. His father wanted that for him so he supposed he could try. It was better than dealing those idiots at school. At least then he could prove he was better and prove that he was right.

He nodded and hugged his father, this gesture being easier to do than with his mother. Antonin squeezed him tightly in return and ignored the eye roll Olivia gave him.

“No more fights, Erwin. Promise?”

“No more fights.”

“Don’t coddle him, Antonin.”

“Don’t be so frigid, Olivia.”

~

Erwin was withdrawn from school immediately, his mother having filed the necessary paperwork to ship him off to the outer walls where the training camps were. He had a week before departure and during that time had done what he’d promised. At least he’d tried to; though staying out of trouble was hard when trouble wanted to find you.

His back hit the brick of a store alley hard and he spat the blood out from his newly busted lip. He glared at the other boy and his lackeys who, while being intelligent boys, were mean as sin and snobbish.

“Why’d you quit school, Smith? Got tired of getting your arse kicked? Had to get your mum to fight for you?”

“Nile the day I need my mother to handle you, I’ll beat _myself_ up.”

Nile Dawks was a year older, a head taller, and a complete bastard who was born with a bit too much silver in his mouth. Erwin wasn’t scared of him, but he still had his promise to keep.

“Don’t worry; I’ll do it for you!” Nile’s boot lodged in his stomach and he lost his breath, stumbling back against the wall once more and doubling over. It hurt. “What’s wrong? Not fighting back? Not going to preach about how great your weak arsed father and slutty mother are? No surprised the two of them made such a spineless git like you. I bet Commander Jacobs is rolling in his grave at how low his family’s sunk.”

Erwin glared up through his bangs not responding. He promised. He promised he wouldn’t; he should just run.

Nile saw the way Erwin’s eyes darted around for possible means of escape and pushed his foot hard into Erwin’s chest. “Hear you’re being shipped off. Guess your dad got tired of you! Probably for the best. He just wants to forget about you and stop wasting money!”

Erwin growled and grabbed Nile’s foot, twisting his ankle hard until Nile was forced to give to keep from breaking it. Erwin took the open opportunity to punch Nile in his jaw hard enough to bruise his knuckles before taking off through the streets. He wasn’t surprised when they followed.

He darted through the streets and rammed through grownups trying to get away, though Nile and his friends were bigger and faster. It forced him to do the only thing he could do. He ran to the edge of the water front, following the side stairs to the sewer entrance and almost slipping into the canal on the wet stones. He ran into the tunnel and heard Nile stop at the entrance.

“Come out of there right now, you coward!” he barked, taking a threatening step forward.

“Nile, you know we aren’t supposed to go in there. That goes down to Old Sina, we’d get killed!”

“Fine, we’ll just wait for him to come out. He’s not going to go and get lost in there, are you Erwin. Too much of a pansy!”

Erwin took deep breaths to calm his heart as nervousness began to overrun his exhaustion. He could back out there. Go out and fight them and win, but his parents would be more than a little pissed that he’d broken his promise. He liked keeping his promises, especially to them. So he did the only thing he could do. He’d heard there were several entrances to the underground tunnels. He just had to find one of them.

Pushing off from the edge of the tunnel wall, Erwin began his slow trudge into the dimness. It was lined by cheap tortures that seemed on their last legs of oil and offered little comfort. Erwin tripped a few times on loose stonework and free rocks, his grunts echoing eerily against the masonry. This was a dumb idea, more moronic of a decision than he was used to making. If he hadn’t known how persistent Nile and his gang could be, he probably would’ve just waited at the tunnels edge. But Nile was determined when he was angry and Erwin could expect nothing less with the swollen jaw he’d just given him.

“This is really, really stupid.”

There was a distinct scent that began to permeate the air, signaling how close he was getting to Old Sina. It was a putrid stench, wafting through the corridor with the telltale presence of illness and filth. Erwin covered his nose as it became stronger and squint his eyes at the approaching light. All this walking and there had been no turn-offs, not last chance exits to avoid this place and with each step Erwin became more and more afraid. Beneath his fear, however, was a growing curiosity. His uncles used to talk about the underground all the time, the vermin of Old Sina where the unfortunates who couldn’t afford to live in or leave the Capital dwelled. His mother had told him never to come anywhere near this place because of the muggers and overall undesirables that the state could not do anything about for lack of resources and lack of effort on the Military Police’s part. His father warned him to stay clear to keep from upsetting any balance that might be had by the inhabitants of the underground.

Yet, here he was, stepping into the artificial lighting of the old underground city.

Being more like a system of caverns, half built complexes and homes lined the uneven walls beneath stalactites that seemed aimed for their destruction. Bad masonry work was crumbling away into dereliction though Erwin spotted a few who still inhabited the dangerous buildings. His eyes darted from person to person, paranoid at the unkept clothing, dirty smudges and over all lowly appearance of the people of Old Sina. They kept their heads low, never making physical contact with one another, as if doing so would cause a war. Erwin mirrored this, keeping his head down and walking, hoping that he’d stumble across and exit. The logical thing to do would be to ask, but these people were in no way inviting. He did better pretending he was invisible.

No one seemed to care as long as he didn’t stare too long. They were too involved in their drinks, their begging, and their selling of stolen goods. He spotted a few crates with the MP emblem on the lid and wondered idly why it was down here. He approached what he supposed was a town square and the sound of music permeated his ears. It was lively, heavy with violin, hand drums and bells. An elderly woman in a brightly colored shawl beat a tambourine to her hip to the rhythm as the younger men and women around her laughed. They were crowded around a figure that was so light on her feet it was as if gravity could not comprehend her being People passed by dropping a coin or two at her feet as she danced for god knows whatever reason. They seem to pay no attention to the money and continued laugh and play as she danced.

She was beautiful, all dark hair and honey skin that glowed even in the dank recesses of this hellhole. She twirled and spun, her locks whipping as she balanced on the balls of her feet making eccentric hand gestures from the ground to the sky and rolling her body to the energetic beats. She balanced on one foot, bringing her leg a up to her knee as she took the every changing pace of the music hard in revolutions so sharp Erwin was dizzy looking at them. Her leg then tossed high, pressing close to her body before she fell backwards onto the stone in what should’ve been painful collapse that she smoothly rolled up from. Her hips undulated as she found ground again hitting the end of the music and posing naturally at its abrupt end.

Erwin clapped with a smile on his face, forgetting where he was completely. She paused at the sound and looked at him, her lovely opulent gray jewels pinning him to the spot. She tilted her head, her noir brows furrowing in confusion as she took in his neat clothing and fairly expensive coat. There was an unexpected recognition in her eyes but Erwin thought he’d imagined it. He almost believed she intended to rob him with the way her eyes kept flicking over his shoulder as if checking if the coast was clear. But a gentle smile took over her rose tainted lips and she offered a hand to him. She waved him over sweetly.

Erwin dumbly pointed to himself.

“Oui, vous! Come, come!” she said and it pulled Erwin in. The elegance of her gentle alto voice made him feel…safe.

Erwin walked forward slowly, wary of the musicians who watched him just as suspiciously as he watched them.

“Come.” She said again and once he was in reach, she took both his hands. She flicked her head at the musicians and just like that they began to play, no longer glaring at him through untrusting eyes. “ _Voulez-vous danser avec moi?”_

“Uh I don’t…”

“Ah, dance with me, yes?” she said, her accent heavy. She didn’t wait for reply as she pulled him along to the beat. Erwin stiffly moved his feet unable to catch the rhythm. He’d never danced before, never even tried to learn. His father was too busy and his mother wasn’t the type to dance.

“Detendez-vous! Relax! I lead.”

It didn’t take much for him to begin to smile and have fun as he was strung along to this strange music and fast pace prancing. He wasn’t particularly skilled and awkwardly followed her technique, but the smile on her face let him known none of it mattered. He was having fun.

“You are Antonin’s boy, yes?”

“You know my father?”

“Yes, he’s a good friend and a good man. How did you get down here?”

“I was being chased by idiots. They’re camping at the exit so I thought I’d find another one.”

“Ah, danger-seeker like your mother,” she giggled, her laugh was like honey. “You should be more careful. You were being followed.”

Erwin blushed when she lifted him and swung him around, impressed by the strength in her arms. She looked so thin, but there was no mistaking the power under her skin. Her hold resembled his mother when she forgot that he was the weaker one. They laughed and played until the music stopped and she brought him to their makeshift tents and carts.

“I’m Desideria,” she said holding out her hand. “You can call me Desi.”

Erwin shook it. “Erwin. How do you know me and my father?”

“He is a friend to my people and has helped us for years.”

“You’re…you’re outlanders...”

“Decedents,” she corrected. “We’ve been behind these walls now for almost 50 years since the fall of the Titan Worshippers.”

“Titan Worshippers?”

Desideria waved her hand dismissively. “Non, it’s not important.”

“Have you been there?! Have you seen outside? What’s it like? How did you survive out there with the titans?”

Desideria held up her hands to quiet him. “Now, now, I’m not _that_ old! The only person in our band who knows what the outside is like is my grandmother. Unfortunately, she’s gone senile with age.”

“Oh…” Erwin couldn’t keep the disappointment out of his voice. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…”

“It’s fine. Don’t be shame. It not every day that someone is interested. But, we should get you home. Your father will get worried.”

“Thank you, Desi.”

“Of course, it’s the least I could do. But we should go now, before the MPs start their patrol.” She stood and called out to the old woman who was hunched over peering into the tent. _“Mémé, veillez sur Levi pour moi, s'il vous plaît!"_

The old woman waved her hand dismissively.

Desideria brought him through Old Sina with no difficulties save for the occasional harassment by drunkards. It was almost night time according to her, thought Erwin couldn’t tell with sky above them. He saw MPs begin to make their way down with their rifles shouldered and he couldn’t help but feel nervous. One in particular gave Desideria a lewd eye and blocked their path. Erwin could smell the alcohol already tainting his breath and his listless eyes roved over Desideria disgustingly. A lopsided grin crossed his features and Erwin scowled.

“Stop, you know your type isn’t allowed to go topside.”

“And I was not going that way. I’m simply showing the boy his way out.”

The MP only glanced at Erwin before returning his attention back to her. “How am I supposed to know that you didn’t kidnap that poor kid?”

“If that’s what you believe then by all means take him home.” She said her eyes narrowing dangerously.

“We don’t have to do all that. Just let me make sure you don’t have any weapons on you. Wouldn’t want you to go up there and start in trouble. After that you can go about your business.”

Desideria glared but Erwin tugged her hand.

“It’s ok. I can find my way from here, Desi. Thank you for the help.”

“But out, brat!” the MP shoved Erwin aside. “You’re interfering with police business.”

Desideria snarled and reared her fist back, punching him hard in the face.

“Bitch!”

“Erwin, _allons-y!”_

Erwin ran when she took off, gripping her hand quickly and allowing himself to be dragged through the streets. The MP pursued them, aiming his gun at them. Desideria cursed.

“ _Salaud!_ Shooting at a child!”

Erwin was snatched off his feet and tugged onto her shoulders.

“Hold on to me!”

Erwin didn’t have a choice as she lightly jumped onto the first broken piece of stone and propelled herself as if gravity did not exist. Her legs pushed her from broken brick to loose board and her hands latched onto the edge of the building. Erwin felt her arms flexed as she flawlessly pulled his weight with hers on top of the roof. She let him down and made him run with her. Erwin felt a smile tug at the corner of his mouth as he kept up with her. Desideria was so strong and fast and he didn’t know why but it pushed him to try to keep up with her. His smile faded when he heard the telltale whirl of 3DMG wires.

“ _Merde!_ ” Desideria flipped over a raised portion of the roof while Erwin dodged around it.

“Maybe we should stop. We haven’t done anything wrong! They’ll understand.”

“This isn’t your world! Things do not work that way here!” Was all she said as she grabbed the back of his shirt and hoisted him over a hole as she leapt across it.  “The exit’s not far.”

Erwin was getting tired soon, but he noticed that the MPs had ceased pursuing them and he slowed down a bit. He needed to catch his breath. Desideria slowed as well noting he’d fallen behind and was about to keep him going but was slammed into by that despicable MP. Erwin stumbled backwards in surprise. The MP pinned Desideria down on the ground, but she kneed him hard in the stomach, rolling to her side. He cringed but caught her hair, cursing her through wheezing breaths. She screeched and elbowed him in the jaw in attempt to dislodge him from her hair.

Erwin looked around to find a sharp piece of shingle and hurled it at the MP’s head. The soldier saw it at the last minute and ducked. He pulled a handgun from his belt and aimed it at the boy. Desideria jumped onto his back. A shot fired and grazed Erwin’s coat and he fell backwards in fright at how close it’d been. The MP flipped her off and pointed the gun at her head incoherently shouting at her. Desideria froze beneath him, her eyes wide with fear. Erwin snatched a piece of broken glass from one of the abandoned attic windows and dove towards the MP head-on. The gun went off, but Erwin had been smaller and faster digging the piece of glass in the man’s eye. He went down with him rolling off the roof. His hand caught the edge of the roof and he heard the sickening crunch of flesh hitting uneven stone.

He dangled there for a moment, making a few attempts to pull himself up but lacked the strength.

Desideria got her bearings and pulled him onto the roof with her. He immediately turned to look back but she hooked her arm around his waist and covered his eyes. She was pressed closely against him, panting and nervous; her heart beat was staggering against his back. Yet, as even as the knowledge that he’d caused the MP’s death began to sink in and his body was shivering with the adrenaline, inside he was calm.

“That was… _très inhumain_ …a very bad thing you did, Erwin.”

“But it doesn’t matter, right? I saved you. I did what I thought was right.”

He was right. He’d done the right thing. It didn’t matter that that man had died, because he was right and he knew he was right.

_“Pour chaque chose juste, il y a des conséquences.”_

“What?”

 

 

 

“Someone always has to pay for the choices you make.”

* * *

 

* _Voulez-vous danser avec moi? – Will you dance with me?_

 _*_ _Detendez-vous. – Relax_

 _*_ _Mémé, veiller à Levi pour moi, s'il vous plaît! – Grandma, watch over Levi for me, please_

_* Allons-y – Lets go_

_*_ _Salaud – Bastard_

 _*_ _Merde! – Shit_

 _*_ _Très inhumain – very inhumane_

 _*_ _Pour chaque chose juste, il sont conséquences._ _– For every right thing, there are consequences._


	2. Consequence of Circumstance

_You’re being more attentive than I’m used to, Levi. Though I’m more than positive it’s because you can’t comfortably fall asleep on me with your arms like that._

_Don’t squirm needlessly; you aren’t in pain and you’ll cramp up easier. You know this. The headboard already needs to be replaced; you’re just making it worse at this point._

_I’ll continue so that we can get that gag out of your mouth. Though I must admit, it’s rather nice not hearing your derogatory remarks after every sentence. We should have conversations in this manner more often._

_Heh, I can only imagine your expression underneath that blindfold right now._

_Being so painfully aroused right now while hearing about my childhood only to have me mock you a bit…_

_So, after that incident I was returned home safely, though that was a matter of perspective. Mother was beyond furious and my father, for once, on the same page as her. It didn’t help my case that I had a man’s blood on my jacket and shirt and Desi didn’t hide what I had done from them. I’d never seen my mother so pale…so white. It was strange that fear was her reaction, not shock that I’d killed someone. I assumed it was because my mother was of a practical sort. At the time it wasn’t in my capacity to understand their fear. I had been correct by all laws. I expected the justice system would see it in my favor should it ever come up. After all, he assaulted an innocent woman and a child; I was forced to defend myself._

_I wish I’d known how Desi and my parents would suffer for that silly belief in the good of the world I lived in._

_I was such a child even then. No matter how smart – how perceptive, I was still just a 12-year-old boy. Naïve of consequence. Stupid._

_And to this day, I never stopped hating that boy I was._

* * *

 

~Outrecuidance~

(Insolence)

* * *

 

 

Chapter Two

  **Consequence of Circumstance**

 

As a part of Erwin’s punishment for venturing into the underworld, he’d been confined to his father’s house. After being yelled at, whipped by his mother, and sent to bed without dinner; being stuck in the library of the Vinstin Manor wasn’t exactly as bad a punishment as he could’ve gotten. It was downright lenient compared to the uncomfortable welts on his backside. His father hadn’t taken to corporal punishment because he had been relieved that Erwin hadn’t been hurt. He wasn’t so lucky with his mother.

Of course, even if he was not under a certain degree of house arrest, Erwin wouldn’t think of going outside right now. The close it grew December’s close the heavier the snow fall had become. The wind was howling loud and rattling the shutter that had been latched tightly against the windows. Snow was thick on the ground and when the servants had come in through the back, they had been covered in the powdery ice. Erwin was actually a bit worried about his parents in this mess, though needlessly so he supposed.

His father had been called to court that morning for some sort of emergency or damage control. Gut feeling told him it was about that MP and he tried not to dwell over whatever proceedings could be going on right now. His mother had to go in to Garrison HQ dealing with inspection with Commander Pixis. He shivered at the thought of trying to inspect cannons in this frigid weather. Just the idea made him curl tighter in the throw blanket covering him.

Thank god for the boiler room and the maid striking up the fireplace for him before heading off to do her duties. The soft crackling warmth of the fireplace allowed for a safe spot to read and let the day pass.

He idly turned the page in his book, reading but not actually absorbing the story inside. He hoped all of this quiet stillness would be over soon. As much as he enjoyed sitting inside and reading, the fact that it was all he could do right now was boring and causing a bad case of jitters. He’d been so restless for the past three days since the incident and the fact that soon he would be gone to basic training – that he would be away from his parents for three years in total had been driven home so hard it was daunting. The antsy feeling was making him double and triple check his luggage ever few hours. It was a miracle that he’d remained still for this long and thought to go up and check it again. He instead shut his book and bit his thumbnail anxiously, nasty habit he’d developed when he was a toddler. His mind had been so disquieted since the incident and the eerie silence of the house only made it worse.

Maybe he could eat something. His stomach was having small aches and he hadn’t been eating well for the past few days. Food had looked very strange to him – disgusting even – ever since he felt the skin-crawling squish of the glass sliding so easily into the MPs eye. He shivered at the thought and his small desire to eat left him immediately. The image wouldn’t go away and he couldn’t understand why. He’d done it, it was over, and nothing would make it his fault. He’d defended himself. His mother had reminded him nearly hour since. Sometimes you had to defend yourself the only way you can and it turns into something unfortunate for the other person. He’d done so and it had been unfortunate for the MP.

Erwin sighed, but he hadn’t meant to do it. It was accident. He only meant to get him off Desideria, not topple the man clean from the roof and…

Erwin pushed away the replay of the situation. He’d went over it again and again, trying to figure out if there was anything he could’ve done different to prevent that death aside from never being in Old Sina at all. He was justified, but he couldn’t stop the thought that someone hadn’t gone home to their mother or father, or wife and children. What if that officer had kids who were like him, who were his age, waiting for him to finish his shift? What if his mistake had cost a family a father? What if it had been his own some kid had pushed of a roof? Or worse, his mother?

Loud frantic knocking thankfully interrupted the train of thought just as his brain replaced the image of the MP with his own mother lying dead on the ground. He let his feet slide to the floor with a light tap and he pulled the blanket closer around his shoulders in preparation for the cold. He waved off the maid as he entered the foyer saying he could answer it himself.

Erwin braced himself and opened the door, cringed at the bite of frost. He blinked in surprise at Desideria, who quickly pushed her way in from the cold. Her worn black cloak was tinted coal grey by the snowfall. She kept her head bowed as she entered and waved at him to quickly close the door; Erwin obeyed.

“Your father is home?” she asked pushing her hood away.

“Not yet, he should be soon,” Erwin replied, turning to face Desideria’s back and finding a small face resting his chin against her shoulder. His eyes were closed tight and his cheeks were flushed, most likely from being in the frigid weather. Erwin mused that he resembled Desideria very much and could only assume he was her child. The boy’s eyes opened partially revealing opalescent greys like Desideria’s, though there was intensity to them that Erwin couldn’t quite put a name to. He blinked at Erwin appearing completely disinterested in him as he chose to take in the room around them.

Desideria turned around, rubbing the child’s back. “Do you know when he’ll return Erwin?”

“Um, he got an emergency summons but…” he glanced at the grandfather clock. “He usually comes home around this time. He probably will today.”

She glanced at the child in her arms, weighing her options. “Would it be alright if I waited here?”

“Sure, I wasn’t going to kick you out in that,” Erwin said with a warm smile. “Come on; you can sit in the library with me. There’s a fire going and everything.”

Desideria took off her cloak, balancing the child in her arms while hooking the cloak on the hanger. The boy squirmed in her hold when she adjusted him. Pulling him back from her shoulder, Desideria planted a sloppy kiss on his cheek and smiled.

“Tu veux macher?”

“Ouai!”

Erwin almost snickered at the small hoarse voice.

“Ok. Ok.” Desideria let him down on his small feet and Erwin had to look down. The boy shuffled on his feet as if getting used to not being carried. He only came up to Erwin’s hip and it bothered Erwin a bit to look at him. His father said there wasn’t a lot of clean food and water in Old Sina. Maybe he was stunted by malnutrition. He also noted that the boy was only wearing a pair of tattered pants and an oversized shirt. He didn’t want to be rude and say anything, knowing that there wasn’t much in the way of decent clothing in the Underground unless you were a criminal. Still, it bothered him a bit – especially the red tinge on the boy’s face.

“Erwin, this is Levi.”

Erwin’s brows furrowed as his ears tried to make sense of her accent. “Rivaille?”

“ _Levi,”_ Desideria repeated, moving her mouth slowly so he could mimic.

“He left…” Erwin said noticing the child was gone.

Desideria looked down comically where Levi had been and rubbed her forehead. She cursed in her native tongue. “Levi!”

They head the patter of feet on the marble floors of the library. A small crash made them both run into the room and look around frantically. There was no sight of the tiny boy at first, but a smashed vase and a few fallen books gave Erwin the clue to look up. Levi was already halfway up the shelf, hand reaching for a brightly covered book above him. His foot slipped and both Erwin and Desideria reacted, diving into each other clumsily. Levi never fell. He regained his footing and grabbed the book pulling it until it fell on the ground, right on top of Erwin’s head.

“Ow, ow, ow, ow!” Erwin held the throbbing bump.

“Are you alright, Erwin?”

Levi climbed down clumsily and only gave the two of them a passing glance before he stole Erwin’s throw and dragged it under the table with him. Desideria helped Erwin up and examined his head to make sure he didn’t have too serious a bump. They both looked at Levi under the table as he curled up tightly in it and open the book. He turned the pages every few seconds, skipping the ones that didn’t have pictures.

“Can he read?” Erwin asked, getting an idea.

“I’ve been slowly teaching him, but I…” Desideria looked away in a bit of embarrassment. “I’m not very good at it myself. I would love for him to be able to read things someday and do it well. I hope maybe he could end up in school.”

Erwin smiled and went to his own little section of a shelf to retrieve his old children’s books. They were slim and had plenty of pictures and the words were large-print but simple. He brought them Desideria, taking one off the top and walked over to Levi’s spot beneath the table. He crouched down to peek at Levi who only glanced at him once before burrowing further under his blanket.

“Hey, Rivaille?”

Desideria cringed at the mispronunciation but said nothing. Levi didn’t respond to it and continued turning the pages of the book. Erwin frowned at being ignored, but slid one of the colorful books towards the boy.

“Hey, that book isn’t very interesting,” he said as he opened the smaller one. “This one has a dragon though. It’s big and red, you see?”

Levi’s eyes were caught by the bright colors and he pushed the other book aside. He reached for it but Erwin quickly pulled back.

“No, no,” Erwin chastised. “Not like this. It’s cold under there isn’t it?”

Levi shuffled uncomfortably.

“I thought so. Come over by the fire,” Erwin pointed to the nicely weaved rug. “Sit with me and we can look at the pictures together. You and me?”

Levi narrowed his eyes with suspicion that had no place on a child that young’s face. Erwin waited patiently. He was rewarded when the boy awkwardly shuffled from under the table and practically skittered to the rug. Erwin laughed at the awkward movements and smiled brightly at Desideria. Erwin sat down on the rug while Levi seemed to huddle as tightly as he could. It reminded him of a roly-poly bug with the way he seemed to curl into himself. Still, even with that tight posture, Levi seemed considerably more comfortable in the warmth of the fire.

Desideria watched the two boys with a tender smile on her face as she picked up the discarded book and sat in the chair Erwin had abandoned. She looked down at the pages, admiring the pictures even though majority of the text made no sense to her. Her fingertips traced the foreign characters, her features being ruled over by sadness. Her eyes flicked to Levi who was aptly paying attention to Erwin reading the story to him and making grand gestures. It managed to pull a smile from her even though it was stained with fear and worry. Her son seemed so attentive and happy that for a moment she couldn’t’ tell he was sick. She’d come for help from Antonin for Levi as well as help for herself. She had a child to rear and by any means necessary she would ensure he survived.

It took an hour for Antonin to grace the door of his dwelling. Levi had made himself invasively comfortable under Erwin’s chin as Erwin continued to read their third book. His voice was becoming slurred and every now and then he would yawn. Levi had already closed his eyes and was breathing evenly against Erwin’s shoulder. Desideria had slouched in the chair; her lids low and comfortable having been listening to Erwin tell her son stories. Antonin happened upon the scene and would’ve found endearing had it not been Desideria and her son. He frowned deeply and entered the room in a rushed stride.

“Desideria, what are you doing here?”

Desideria sat up quickly and composed herself. “Antonin! I’m so glad you finally come home. Please, we need to talk.”

Antonin looked at her suspiciously and then at Erwin who gave him a warm smile though he made no move to dislodge the boy from his person. Antonin closed his eyes to gain patience before nodding.

“In my study. Come.” He ordered his voice colder than usual.

Desideria followed quickly.

Antonin led her inside before swiftly shutting the door. He placed his files on to his desk, moving to the window to eye the whitened streets. “Were you followed?”

“ _Non.”_

“Who knows you’re here?”

“No one, _mon ami._ Please, you have to help me.”

Antonin glared over his shoulder at her. “We’ve talked about this. You are never to come to this house! If we have business I am to contact you. It’s bad enough you could’ve been seen with my son when you brought him home!”

“I know. I am not stupid, Antonin! But this is an emergency!”

“What is it then? If it’s about the murder then I can’t help you.”

“Yes you can!” Desideria slammed her hands onto his desk, her fingers spread wide much in the same fashion as Olivia. “You have to help me, Antonin. My face is on every corner and the only thing keeping me from being found out is this ridiculous weather. No one can see anyone’s face in the snow!”

“What exactly are you wanting from me, Desideria?”

“Your word…” she said softly as if it were the most obvious and simplest thing. “Tell them, Antonin. Tell them that I did not do it. Tell them so that I can go back to my life; raise my son!”

“You’re asking for too much, Desi. I can’t dare place my name on the line for you. You’re an outlander. I know you’ve never even seen outside the walls, but you are still one of them. Me being associated with you wouldn’t be advantageous for either of us. I’d become a laughing stock, a pariah and much of my influence will be lost to me should I defend you…an outlander.” Antonin rubbed his temple. “Worst of all, if I openly acknowledge that you are not the killer, they will look to me for who is.”

“Tell them,” Desideria growled in desperation. “It was an accident. Your son was merely being a kind young man as you’ve raised him to be. He saved a wretch like me from harassment. The courts will surely see justice. They’ll just think he’s a naïve child who thought he was doing the right thing and it simply went too far!”

Antonin laughed humorlessly. “You’re making a lot of naïve assumptions yourself about the way the world works, Desi. If I turn my son in, not only will he officially b a bigger stain on my record, but on my family name and legacy. You believe that because he doesn’t carry my name that he is not associated with me? I’ve put forth my name and plenty of money on top of that to see to Erwin’s comfort, education, and success in this world. You really believe I would throw that all away for you?”

“No! But you owe it to my son!” Desideria snarled.

Antonin fell silent.

“I thought I would never need to have to use the debt against you, Antonin. But you owe it to me, to my son so that he can at least know one of his parents. If I am arrested I will not receive a trial. Gypsy I am and so I would be hung with the dawn! You see to do nothing while I hang in the gallows and my son be robbed of his mother’s warmth!”

“Your husband did not have to do anything for me. He chose to!” Antonin growled.

“He chose to because he was a good man! I am giving you the opportunity to be one as well. Do not make me hate you Antonin. Please, my son needs his mother and you cannot allow me to be charged with a crime I did not commit!”

Antonin carded his hands as he regarded Desideria from across the desk. “And what are you prepared to do to convince me, Desi?”

Desideria’s eyes narrowed, her grays becoming so steely that only an animal could create such an intense stare. She walked around the desk and went to her knees before him, though her scowl was one that showed no submission. She prostrated herself there, eyes never leaving his and pulled his hand to her chest.

“I am a proud woman, Antonin. You know this well. I would never beg for my life, never lie, cheat, or steal. But you want to place me in this position…you put me here wanting that from me, wanting to convince you. You want me to _beg. Non!”_ She threw his hand away from her and stood, glaring down at the man emotionlessly. “I only ask as your friend and as the wife whose husband saved you and as the woman who saved you son to help me in my time of need! The question should not be what I am prepared to do to convince you. The question is what I am prepared to do if you refuse!”

Desideria turned on her heels to abandon his present, trying to hide the thudding in her chest from both the indignation and the fear that there was nothing she could do about her situation. Antonin watched her before his eyes narrowed and he took a deep breath in order to steel himself.

“Desi,” he called his voice calm and even.

She stopped mid-step and looked over his shoulder at him. “What?”

“I’ll write you a pardon.”

Desideria turned in shock and cautious optimism having believed she’d lost this argument. “You will?”

“Yes, I’ll write a pardon and seal it with my crest so that they will know it’s no forgery,” Antonin explained as he began penning the document, his quill moving smoothly over the paper. Every now and then his eyes flickered to hers, observing her eyes following the pen movements with no real understanding in her eyes. There was a hopeful and forgiving smile forming on her face as he slipped it into the envelope and sealed it with wax. He indented his wring over the cooling wax and slid it to Desideria.

“Bring this to Commander Richard Dawk and no one else. Explain that it is from me regarding the recent investigation and speak no more of it lest you incriminate yourself.”

Desideria nodded. “Yes, yes, _merci!”_

“In exchange for this, you will no longer come near me or my son. You will forget where I live and forget I ever helped you. Otherwise, so help me I will make your family’s life a living hell. I don’t take threats idly.”

Desideria picked up the letter though the relieved smile was still present on her face. “I…I truly hate this will happened this way. You left me no choice and for that I’m sorry.” She whispered. “I’ll take my son and leave. You will never see me again but I ask that you stay away from the old families if you are no longer going to be an ally.”

She turned away, heading to the door with a calm and confident stride. She only glanced back once, her face saddened. “It’s a shame really, Antonin. My son and yours…they could’ve been brothers someday. Erwin…he wanted to teach levi to read. I think that would’ve made my husband happy.”

Antonin waved her off wanting her gone. Desideria said no more and left Antonin to his own thoughts. He sat with his fist against his chin, a boiling guilt for his behavior that he ignored as he watched Desideria leave his house into the cold from his window. He saw the boy look up at him from over her shoulder as they disappeared into the grey, those near colorless eyes held his gaze and Antonin scoffed and shut the shutters. He closed his eyes and pushed away that wretched feeling those eyes invoked just in time for Erwin to come up rubbing his eyes tiredly. He looked upon his son with a weary expression causing the boy to lower his gaze.

“I’m sorry, sir. I know you said not to late anyone in, but I couldn’t let Desi and Rivaille stay out in the cold like that. She came a long way to see you and her son already looked sick.”

Antonin shook his head dismissing Erwin’s guilt and beckoned the boy near. “Come here, son. Stand before me.”

Erwin cocked his head in confusion, but obeyed. Antonin gazed at his son, looking him over and finding only miniscule features from his blood within the boy. Erwin was truly Olivia’s son and looking upon him calmed him. He’d done what needed to be down for his livelihood…for his son’s as well. It was the right thing to do and he should not have been so hesitant. Having Erwin right in front of him assured him that he’d done what was correct with Desideria.

“Erwin,” he began voice distant. “I want you to know that everything I do, every decision I make is for your own good.”

“Of course, father.”

“I fear the day you may not even be able to stand the sight of me, but what I do I do for you.”

Erwin smiled and shook his head. “Don’t be silly, I could never hate you.”

“That’s good to know, Erwin. Give an old man a hug,” He opened his arms for Erwin to fill them. Erwin gave a boyish smile and nestled into his father’s embrace. He was used to having this sort of close affection from his father that was very rare for his mother. “I love you, Erwin. Remember that while you’re gone.”

“I could never forget. I love you too, father.”

~

It was two days before world circulated through the city. Two days before Erwin had seen the frist act of violence from his mother against his father. Two days before he was told to pack the scarce valuables he had and leave for his mother’s family home. Two days…

Olivia had burst into the house, her blue eyes heated with such a fire that Erwin cowered in her presence and removed himself from her warpath lest he be burned. The servants had made themselves scarce in his father’s household when she came barging in, slamming the door open as though she were the Military Police themselves.

“Antonin! You sneaky, arrogant son of a bitch! Not even god is going to save you from me!” She shouted dangerously as she marched up the stairs, boots hitting so hard against the marble that the leather scuffed the surface. Erwin watched her before sneaking up the stairs, his curiosity getting the better of him. What could his father have done to warrant that stride and particular tone from his mother of all people? She was always so civilized around him. She paused when Erwin reached the top of the stairs.

“Get your things!” Olivia ordered and Erwin didn’t dare argue or question.

He quickly darted from her sight and she stormed her way to Antonin’s study where he sat idly watching her in amusement. She shut the door and locked it tight though with what she felt right now, she knew her voice would carry through the entire house.

“We’ve known each other for years so I’ve always known what a rat bastard you could be! I’ve always known what you were capable of; of what desperation could make you do! But _this,_ Antonin!” Olivia tossed the morning post onto his desk. “What in the ever loving fuck got into you? Of all the things, of all the lowly underhanded bullshit things you could’ve done!”

“Don’t be dramatic, Olivia,” he growled. “It was for Erwin’s sake.”

“It was for your own! All the power and influence you have and you’re trying to feed me this crock of shit about having no choice! You’re so full of it you squealing spineless pig!”

“Oh so you’d have rather this ruined us? Ruined him? Because of you not giving him my last name, Erwin wouldn’t have stood a chance and my influence could have gone so far for a _bastard!_ I did what I had to do as his father; you do what you have to as his mother and send him away to basic training. Isn’t that what you wanted? I want him gone from Sina by sundown today!”

“Oh let me guess, you don’t want him to see his father’s handy work? Or see you sitting here like some self-righteous pig? Whom you literally owe your life to! Are you even going to show your face there?!”

“I have to,” Antonin said, unaffected by Olivia’s anger. “I am the key witness after all!”

“You make me fucking sick!” Olivia spat. “You’ve been a good man to me, a good father to Erwin! How can you even sleep at night knowing what you’re doing now?”

“Peacefully so. I don’t take threats against my family idly, Olivia. You of all people should appreciate that!”

“No, no, the only person who was at risk was _you._ Nothing would’ve happened to Erwin and you know it! The only thing that was threated was _your_ name, _your_ reputation! Erwin is perfectly safe and had been from the start. All you had to do was write the goddamn pardon, but that would’ve been far too righteous for the Lord in you, wouldn’t it!” Olivia pinched the bridge of her nose trying to ease her headache. “I…I can’t believe you! This, _Antonin!”_ Her voice broke slightly on his name. “I had always believed you to be so much more, so much better than this. How could betray her…how could betray our son this way?”

Antonin’s face softened and he finally stood and went to her. He pulled her gloved hand away from her face while his other caressed her cheek as she looked down at him. There were no tears there as there would’ve been on any other woman. Olivia Smith never cried, no matter how much her emotions ate her. Antonin could see the hurt there though. The betrayal glassed her eyes just as luminously as tears would have and he felt hollow inside seeing it. Yes, he’d betrayed someone he called friend, but he didn’t feel he’d done so to Olivia. Olivia had to understand what would have happened to them and to Erwin should Desideria have made good on her threat. Who knows what this could’ve come to had he not done something?

“Olivia,” he whispered, pulling her face down close to his so that her forehead was against his. “Olivia, I can’t stand for you to look at me this way…not you…”

“Antonin, what were you thinking. You have to stop this,’ she demanded, though her voice was soft as his fingers threaded through her hair. “This is not necessary. This is evil.”

“What is evil but not simply a road less tread upon by cowards,” Antonin replied, his smile kind. “Look at me Olivia? Please?”

Her eyes lowered to his and they became colder.

“There is nothing else to be done. Erwin going into the system would mean he would have no future. He would’ve been jailed despite his age because he is a Smith and therefore he is of no consequence to the brass. In the eyes of my so-called friends you are my whore and Erwin an unfortunate obligation…most likely they see him as less than even that.” He ran the pad of his thumb over Olivia’s lips as she closed her eyes trying to summon calm against his words that dripped with sweet soothing tones like honey as he tried to explain it all away. “Our son is what matters; he is what has always mattered.”

“Desideria’s son mattered to her…” Olivia whispered accusingly.

“Desideria and her son are outlanders. Neither will be mourned.”

Olivia jerked away from him. “After all you said about them, about gypsies and outlanders? You say this after all you’ve done to endear yourself to them. For what?! A scapegoat at your convenience!”

Antonin allowed his hands to fall in defeat. “It doesn’t matter what you think. The damage is done. Send Erwin away, Olivia. He doesn’t need to see the games we adults play with each other.”

Olivia shook her head and pivoted on her heel out of habit. She practically marched from the study and slammed the door. She leaned against it for a moment, breathing deeply in an attempt to calm herself. It was so hard to fathom that the man she very nearly loved, the man she’d trusted to raise her son to be a good man, could do this. He’d betrayed everything she’d come to believe of him in one single act that while she knew he was capable of, did not know he had the will power to follow through with. She took a deep breath, straightening her spine. Lesson learned.

“Yes…” she whispered to herself. “Yes, he does. Erwin needs to see what sort of monsters we all are. That his greatest threat is here inside these walls.”

Erwin managed to pack nearly all of his things with the help of the maid by the time Olivia entered the room. He looked at the resigned expression on her face and felt a cold twist in his stomach. It appeared so alien upon her face that he almost wasn’t sure if this was truly his mother. Olivia finally noticed the expression on his face and quickly schooled her own to some semblance of normalcy so as not to frighten him.

“You have your things, boy?” she asked.

“Yes, mother. May I ask what happened? Where we’re going?”

“You’re going to stay with me until the next batch head for basic in a few days. You were late for the rotation since…this incident so you’ll ship out with Dawk’s boy.”

“Oh joy,” Erwin grumbled under his breath. He was about to beg for a different shipping date but his words fell off when he saw his mother’s fracturing façade. “Did something happen mother? Did something happen between you and dad?”

She shook her head. “Dress warm…we’re going to dinner and we’re going to go to square. There’s…something there I want you to see.”

Erwin couldn’t think of anything to say and her tone left no room for questions. He simply nodded.

They went to the usual place when Olivia was busy with her duty’s; a lovely restaurant owned by an old friend of the Smith family who always served them extra portions of everything. Erwin was surprised at how tolerant and generous his mother was being. She’d allowed him to eat as much as he wanted and ordered whatever fattening desserts he wanted. He assumed it was all because he was to leave for training soon. Whichever it was, she was thoroughly distracted and kept her head turned to the side, posture stiff. Her eyes were distant causing the smallest pinch of concern to itch at the back of his mind. He truly wanted to know what was wrong but also knew she wouldn’t breathe a word unless she wanted him to know. After all, she never hesitated with anything.

“Mother…is everything alright?”

“I’m perfectly fine, Erwin,” she murmured distractedly. She lowered her gaze to her lap, staring at her hands as if they were at fault for everything in her life. Then her glacial blues focused on Erwin’s. “Erwin, I know your father wants you to become an MP, I know that he wants you to live a long, comfortable life inside these walls. But I want you to understand something: you are a Smith, a wolf. You seek, you hunt, you conquer, and you kill. It’s who you are. This is the stock you come from.”

“I remember, mother.” Erwin said with a confident smile, apple pie smeared clumsily on the side of his mouth.

“Knowing this…what I’m going to show you today…oh.” A grim smile came to her lips as she reached out with a napkin and whipped the apple filling from the side of his mouth. “Filthy brat. Today, Erwin Smith, I’m going to show you the sheep…show you your prey. You’re going to scent them, know them, and avoid them until you are ready to hunt them down.”

Erwin’s smile fell a bit as he took in the intensity of Olivia’s words and In turn, he irrevocably knew what he was to do. They had had this discussion before. She’d taught him long ago when he was still cutting his teeth how to spot his enemies in the world and he’d like to think he was adept at it. After all, he was still beating the hell out the prissy spineless jerks at his old school before he was pulled. She was asking him to do it again, but he couldn’t shake the need to know why.

“You won’t tell me what’s going on?”

“There’s nothing I can tell you that would make it clearer than witnessing it firsthand.”

Erwin nodded, giving up.

“Finish up. It’s almost time.”

Erwin wasn’t certain what he was expecting when he got to the square. Some sort of spectacle set up to entertain high society he supposed. It was a clear day, the winter sky was a surreal dome of blue today and the snow was still crisp on the ground. He expected there was to be some sort of well to do with the good weather. However, the telltale crowd of onlookers jeering as though it was some sort of festival told him exactly what was going on. It was just another execution. His father had insisted that he never attend one of them and it was something his mother strictly honored. Not today apparently. He gazed up at her in question but she didn’t return his gaze. Her hand slipped into his and he almost jerked away in surprise but she kept a form hold of it. She’d never held his hand before; it startled him. What was happening?

“Mother?”

“Keep quiet and watch,” Olivia said while refusing to look at him. She led him to the front of the crowd, standing at attention.

Erwin mimicked her though he frowned when he saw his father there with Richard Dawk and Lord Lachlan among several other politicians and a judge. The MPs ushered a battered woman up the stairs, her feet bare and blistered from the painful bite of snow and gravel. The prison rags barely hung onto her struggling form. Erwin heard muffled words in another language being shouted through the hood that kept her identity from the crowd. The judge unrolled an order of execution and began to read it aloud. Erwin’s brows furrowed and he leaned closer as if it would help him see through the dark sack over the woman’s head. His stomach turned violently and his heart sped up in his chest. He knew. He didn’t know how he knew, but he knew before they even ripped the hood from her head.

Desideria was shoved to her knees in front of the crowd and flinched when a block of snow hit her in the face. Once beautiful rose cheeks were stained by bruises and her right eye was swollen shut from brutality. Her good eye darted over the crowds and they fell on Erwin, her gaze turning to a feral, spiteful glare that made him step back.

“Desi…why? Mother what is this?!” he demanded.

“There’s nothing you can do,” Olivia’s voice barely audible over the crowd. “Scent your enemies Erwin.”

“Antonin! _Dites-leur! Aidez-mois!_ Please, Antonin! Tell them! The pardon; tell them!” she screamed looking to Erwin’s father and growled in desperation as her head was turned towards the crowd once again and the noose slipped over her head.

“Desideria, you are charged with the murder of a military officer and guilty by your own confession.”

Erwin’s eyes widened. “No…”

“Antonin, please don’t do this evil! Not guilty! I killed no one! I did not!”

“Antonin Vinstin has put forth to the court that you dictated your own confession and therefore admitted to all of your crimes including but not limited to murder, thievery, prostitution, and smuggling. Because of the magnitude of these crimes, by His Majesty’s law you are hereby sentenced to hang until dead.”

“Antonin! Please! Erwin!” she turned her eyes to the boy, seeking his mercy. “Erwin stop him! Stop your father! Tell them the truth! Tell them it wasn’t me! Please!”

Erwin stepped forward but Olivia kept a tight grip on his hand. He struggled against her. Wait, mother please! She didn’t do anything! She didn’t do it; we have to stop this!”

“You can’t, Erwin,” Olivia said coldly. “You really believe they believe you? Your word against your own father.”

“Mother please…we can’t…”

“This is what you need to understand. You need to understand that no matter if you’re innocent, no matter if you were right, someone will always pay for it. You have to learn right now that there is no justice, there is no fairness, no goodness behind these walls. There’s only power…and you have none.”

Desideria ceased her please as they tightened the noose. She looked at Antonin’s calm, emotionless face and her own morphed into such hated that it befitted a rabid dog. She spat upon him.

“My husband should not have saved you! You should’ve died in our world and never known your boy! Your son doesn’t deserve a father!” she sneered. “My son needed his father but yours…yours doesn’t deserve YOU!”

Antonin watched with an impassive expression as the executioner forced her to stand over the trap door.

“You will rue this day, Antonin. My family will ensure that this day is remembered and you will REAP IT!”

Antonin pushed his chin high, his nose in the air in a show of superiority. “Goodbye Desideria. You’ve done a great thing in admitting your crimes. God will forgive you.”

“FATHER STOP! STOP SHE DIDN’T DO ANYTHING!”

Antonin froze at the sound of his son’s breaking voice, screaming frantically from the front of the crowd. He turned and saw Erwin fighting to be free of his mother’s iron grip. Olivia’s gaze was not on the hanging, but on him and the very same betrayal he’d seen in her eyes was now reflected in his own. She raised her chin in mockery of him and turned her nose up. How could she?

“Erwin,” she said firmly, squeezing his hand to the point of pain. “Stop your dramatics. You watch. She deserves that from you. She deserves for you to watch!”

Erwin slammed his eyes shut and he buried his face in his mother’s arm, unable to break from her grip. “Please,” he begged. “Please mother she didn’t do anything. She’s got a son…stop this…”

Olivia shook her head. “There’s nothing you can do for her but watch.” She shook him from her arm in a cruel way and knew she wouldn’t forgive herself for this and neither would Erwin. Necessary things were hardly ever forgivable in this life. “Watch Erwin. You have to learn to stomach this sort of thing if you intend to change anything. You have to leave certain pieces behind if you want to move forward. Now _watch!”_

Erwin sniffled and sobbed as though he was four years old again and Olivia had struck him for the first time. He looked at Desideria who had ceased her resistance. A look of sad resignation was on her face and only her shoulders shook with her fear and sorrow. The executioner moved his hand to the lever and Erwin trembled with her. The judge raised his hand high and Desideria closed her eyes reciting what must’ve been some form of prayer in her native tongue loudly as if to scorn the entirety of the gallery who’d come to watch another outlander, another vermin be exterminated. The hand came down. The lever lurched.

_Crunch!_

Erwin vomited.

He’d only seen it for an instant before his stomach rejected him.

An instant was enough. The still moving eyes, the parted lips of shock and the twitching feet.

Even more so, the neck crooked at such an unnatural angle as Desideria’s eyes looked skyward. God help him.

He didn’t even notice that he was squeezing Olivia’s hand for dear life as all the good, rich food he’d eaten splattered onto the snow in loud retches mingled with sobs.

Erwin hadn’t known he’d fainted until the soft slush of snow beneath boots awoke him. His breathed the calming, clean scent of his mother’s hair as small golden strands tickled his nose. Her strong arms were hooked under his knees and his arms were limply around her shoulders as they waded through the snow fall.

“Mother…” he whispered his voice tired deadened. “…why?”

Olivia didn’t pause in her stride, determined to get them home at out of the cold. “Because…you were right.”

The words sunk in faster than a brick in still water and Erwin buried his face into his mother’s shoulders. He had no more tears despite his shoulders shaking and his diaphragm convulsing. He had no more tears.

“You’ll sleep with me tonight, Erwin.”

“T-thank you.”

“Did you scent your enemies Erwin?”

Erwin lifted his head at the words, looking straight ahead over his mother’s shoulders. “Yes…”

~

_“Audacity.”_

_The mood of the bedroom shifted when the blond man was the one to utter their safe word. Levi relaxed and he tugged the ropes one good time, snapping them and in turn bending the headboard completely with a loud whine. He removed the gag from his own lips and slipped the blindfold from his eyes, blinking a few times so that they could adjust to the dimly lit room. He took a deep breath and casually wiped the saliva from his mouth with the back of his hand. Once he was free of the restraints, he flexed his arms experimentally before turning his attention to the head resting against his chest. He threaded his fingers into the downy soft strands, nails scrapping Erwin’s scalp tenderly._

_“This must enjoyable for you,” Erwin murmured against the flesh of Levi’s pectorals. “Me being the one to give in first.”_

_Levi glanced down at the man in his arms with a certain degree of indifference. His voice came out hoarse from lack of use from the entire night. “You’re weak as shit old man and just as spineless. Doesn’t surprise me in the least.”_

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. Any and all constructive criticism is welcomed whether it be good or bad. I'm always open for improvement. If you hate it, hell tell me why you hate it.


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